Working with same sex couples

Among the amazing words read in the Supreme Court in favor of same sex marriage, I found these to be some of the most inspiring :

“The nature of marriage is that, through its enduring bond, two persons together can find other freedoms, such as expression, intimacy, and spirituality. This is true for all persons, whatever their sexual orientation…There is dignity in the bond between two men or two women who seek to marry and in their autonomy to make such profound choices.”

I have been so incredibly fortunate to have been invited to capture numerous same sex weddings over the years, starting with my first one in 2016, which was incredibly, incredibly moving. The law had just passed when the couple knot in Palm Springs after being together for 10 years, finally putting what, for them, was a very important punctuation what was already such a strong, established bond between them.

With that said, I think there are some important things to keep in mind when photographing same sex couples.

Don’t make assumptions about what their dynamic is. With most opposite sex couples, it is okay to assume there is one that embodies more of a “masculine” role and the other a more “feminine” role, therefore posing / directing them in a way that aligns with that. Relationship dynamics with same sex couples are different to each couple. The beauty of their relationships is that they are free to define what works for them as a couple. So it is important to not presume any “roles” and to remember that some poses just simply don’t work well, like the “dip”. It’s a pose that is definitely best for when a couple embraces the gender roles or physical traits associated with a strong dipper and a smaller person being “dipped”. It can sometimes (seldom) be used for a same sex couple who wishes to be playful/funny/ironic, but I’d definitely let them take the lead with that one and otherwise stay away from it.
Start with getting to know the couple by using more open, simple direction. Something like “hug each other around the waist and get cozy” can be a starting point to a playful interaction between them within which they can feel comfortable. Keep your cameras up and shoot quickly! While keeping your directions and shooting quick is a great idea in general, I think it is especially important with same sex couples. Consider that some of them don’t feel as comfortable with PDA as many of your heterosexual couples do. I’ve found I get best results when working with them in a way that is light hearted, quick and efficient. Consider a more editorial “poses” for the couples that aren’t as keen on the physical displays of affection and keep them tucked in your back pocket. Talking about PDA with your couples ahead of your shoot can help, along with choosing a location that isn’t overrun with people whenever you suggest the more romantic interactions between them.

If there is a pose you are really attached to, you can still guide the couple to assume a specific position, but instead of using names you can say “I’d like one of you to be here, and other here and do this” . This way they will feel more comfortable assigning themselves their own placement based on what feels right for their relationship.

Lastly, and this might be obvious, but when shooting a gay wedding try to remember avoid using terms such as “groomsmen” and “bridesmaids” . Their bridal party may very well be of mixed gender or non gender conforming on both sides, so saying something like “Sarah’s side of the wedding party” instead of “the bridesmaids” will be far more effective.

Go for it! All the same sex couple I’ve worked with have been fantastic and amazing people. Don’t worry yourself sick over pronouns or working yourself into a panic if you accidentally say “bridesmaids”. They know that this is a new territory for many photographers and that we are all genuine, well meaning people navigating this in our best way. Make light of anything you stumble over, as just like in life, if you can laugh about it, everything is far easier.

Indigo West Photography has over six years experience working with couples of all genders and sexual orientation. We create a safe space for everyone and value inclusivity.

Wedding photography in San Diego CA, Los Angeles CA, Portland OR and well beyond. Available to travel anywhere for weddings and unique engagement ideas.